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JFR Notes - Mom's Last Day - December 7, 2000
What happened on Mom’s last day.
This file comes from Barbara who was kind enough to write up what she and Ken did on the last night mom was alive. Though Barbara and Ken did not get to visit with mom that night, Barbara had a good visit with her over the all girls weekend.On December 7th around 9:00PM I received a phone call from Enid, a good friend of Mother’s. She informed me that she had just come home from the hospital where she had admitted Mother into the hospital. She had told me that she had spoken to Mom on Monday after the “All Girl’s” weekend and Mom sounded better than she had in a long time. Enid had a son in Nampa that was not feeling well, so since Mother sounded so good on the phone she didn’t think that she needed to be checked on for awhile.
Evonne, another good friend of Mother’s had tried to call Mom for a couple of days but didn’t get any answer. She drove by Mom’s house on Thursday and noticed that the car was in the carport and so she went in to check on her. She found Mom in the bedroom and called Enid to get a consensus of what to do. Enid joined them and they finally convinced Mom to get out of bed.
Mother finally got out of bed and while the ladies were helping her down the hall she collapsed. Enid and Evonne were able to get Mother into the living room.
Enid called “911” and asked for an ambulance. Mom did not want to pay for an ambulance ride, but Enid asked the operator what the charges would be and they said that if it was a true emergency that there would be no charge. Mom was convinced and so the ambulance came. I am thinking that this was around 4:30 or 5:00 in the afternoon.
They got Mother to the hospital and Mother’s breathing was very labored. The hospital staff could not ask her any questions because she was in no position to give them any answers. Her main goal at the time was just to get a breath in.
The hospital was able to get Mother stabilized and Enid said that she was talking and her color had come back to her. She asked Mom if she should call any of the family members but Mom wanted to wait until the doctor had said what he thought that the diagnosis was. Fortunately Enid decided that after she left the hospital that she should give me a call. She related to me the story and after we hung up the phone I called the Elmore County Hospital and spoke with the charge nurse.
The nurse took down a medical history of Mom from me, as best as I could recollect and then told me that Mother was resting comfortably. Enid had thought that Mom had pneumonia but the nurse couldn’t say. She used a bunch of terms that I knew that Shelley would be familiar with, but I was not. The nurse asked if I wanted to speak with Mom, but I didn’t want to bother her as she was finally resting, but she was insistent and I did end up getting the chance to speak with Mom for the very last time.
When we spoke she sounded so weak and almost like her mouth was shot up with Novocain. Plus, she was very hoarse. I tried to ask her questions that only required her to give one-word answers. I asked how she was doing. She said, “Fine.” I asked if she wanted me to come down. She said, “No.” I asked what she thought had happened. She said, “I think it was another heart attack.” I asked again if she wanted me to come down. She said, “No.” I asked if she wanted me to let any of rest of the family to know. She said, “No.” I told her that I was going to at least let Shelley know. She said, “Okay.” I had the opportunity to tell her a few times that I loved her. I then said that I would call the hospital the next morning to see if she was going to stay in Mountain Home or if they were going to bring her to Boise for further tests. Once that would be determined I would either wait for her here in Boise or if she were going to stay in Mountain Home I would then come down. We hung up the phone. That would be the last time that I would speak to my mother.
I did let Shelley know what was going on and she did get a hold of the charge nurse to discuss Mother’s condition. When the nurse got off the phone with Shelley she went into Mother’s room to let her know that she had just gotten off the phone with another one of Mother’s daughters. She discovered that Mom was “coding”. The nurse called me back around 10:15 PM to let me know that Mom was coding and I said that we were on our way. I then called Shelley to let her know what was happening. I then called a gal from work to let them know that I wouldn’t be in the next day no matter what the outcome was.
Ken and I got to Mountain Home at around 11:10 and on the ride there had talked of how Mother has cheated death so many times before that Ken would be hooking up her swamp cooler in the spring. As I stepped out of the car the air just seemed so eerily still and crisp. It just didn’t feel right.
I had to use the restroom when we got there so I was not there to meet the charge nurse, Linda. Ken was waiting in a chair when she came out. Linda told Ken that it wasn’t good and that the doctor would need to talk to us before we could go in and see her. I then came out of the restroom and she gave me a hug. At first Ken thought that maybe she was still alive but just in really bad condition, but once she had given me the hug we suspected that things were the worst case scenario.
The doctor came out and took both Ken and me into a small waiting area. I could tell that he was uncomfortable with telling us, but I believe that he also knew that we were aware that Mom was not with us any more. He was very nice and mentioned that he had had a chance to speak with Mom before she passed away.
She had been very excited about her trip to Utah this past weekend when she was able to see her newest grandbaby. He also had an opportunity to ask Mom that if life saving measures were needed did she want them to do all that they could to revive her. Her answer was, “yes.” This surprised me because she was so miserable these last couple of months, but he did say that they did all that they could but that they pronounced her dead at 10:33. She had bi-lateral pneumonia and this caused her to go into respiratory failure. She then went into cardiac arrest.
It was quite quick. He asked if we wanted to see her, but he also informed us that the coroner had not come yet so the tube was still in her throat but that they had cleaned her up as best they could.
Ken was not interested in seeing her, but I just felt that I needed to. He took me by my hand into her room and I just stood at the foot of the bed. She looked quite peaceful. It is, however, strange the things that pop out of your mouth when confronted with life changing situations. Mother was lying on her back and I commented to the doctor that she must really be gone because her legs were out straight. She always liked to have her ankles crossed when she would lie down on her back. Stupid, I know, but that was what came to mind when I saw her lying there.
We really didn’t know what to do at this point and I don’t really think that the doctor did either. He sent us to the nurse’s station and they had already called the funeral home. I spoke with Jerry from Sommers Funeral Home and he was very nice. We set up an appointment for the next day at 1:00 PM to make any of the arrangements.
We decided to call the family from Mom’s house instead of waiting until we got home to Boise. It was strange to be in the house knowing that Mother was gone. I pretty much stayed in the living room and used the bathroom before we left.
I called Shelley first because she knew what was going on and she had already suspected that Mother was gone because of her medical background. I then called Richard and asked him to call the family that was in Utah and I would finish calling the family in the outlying areas. It made sense at the time to call all of the furthest away family members so that they could be getting arrangements made to come for the funeral, but in retrospect they weren’t going to be able to really get things in order until in the morning.
We were getting ready to leave Mom’s house after calling the family and the phone rang. It was Shelley on the other end saying that she had booked a flight out and would be able to be in Boise by 11:00AM. I can’t tell you what a relief that was to me to have her willing to come and help me with the details. I knew that Ken would be there for me, but to have another sibling willing to help pitch in…there just aren’t enough words.
It was a pretty quiet ride home back to Boise. I really didn’t cry that much for a couple of reasons. One, Ken was such a comfort and pointed out how we had been there for Mom during these last couple of years. Two, we realized that Mom was able to live life on her own terms…she got to see quite a bit of the world by visiting her sons and daughters in foreign countries. Three, she didn’t suffer much at the end. Four, she was able to live in her own house until she passed on. That was the biggest comfort for me. In a way, I feel a bit selfish for being grateful for that. I figured that if Mom were to end up staying with someone it would be with Ken and me. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but I didn’t how I would deal with it. It was quite a somber drive home.
After we got home Scott phoned. He was traveling so Nan had called to give him the news. He had no idea that he was the executor of the will, which I found interesting, but that was also how Mom was. If you didn’t talk about it, you didn’t have to worry about it.
Sleep was pretty much next to impossible so I went out on the couch so that my tossing and turning wouldn’t keep Ken awake. I woke up to a phone call from Donna and then Leslie phoned.
That is pretty much what happened the night that Mother passed away.
Barbara Sansoucie (Youngest daughter).